Categories
Faith Fitness

Thoughts on Anchors and Iron

Up to this point, as I’ve been relaunching my blog, I’ve been really consistent with my FollowFriday posts, this week though, I am going to forego my usual FollowFriday post and write from the heart.

As I’ve watched what has gone on in our country and world over the last year or so, I’ve watched people tear each other apart through a computer/phone screen on the web and social media. I’ve watched people become people that if you would have shown them the future they never would have believed they would become. It has been a slow drift, almost imperceptible. As the pandemic started in 2020 we banded together, a true “We are the World” moment. Then, as more and more things happened last year between the tragedies surrounding George Floyd, Ahmad Arbury, & Breonna Taylor, the political tension stirred up by the US Elections, and the pandemic and virus that just won’t go away it seems like people slowly lost their grip on human decency. I’ve watched normally mild-mannered people completely vilify people on the other side of the aisle/issue that has them currently triggered spewing things I would have never thought they’d express.

It breaks my heart to see it and recently, it has gotten me thinking quite a bit about anchors, those unmoving truths that keep us grounded. As a person of faith I’m reminded of verses like Hebrews 6:19a, talking about Jesus and the promises of God the author of the letter to the Hebrews says:

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19a – NIV

Faith is the most important anchor however, I was also reminded tonight of other anchors that we have in this life to help keep us grounded and I realized that part of my problem lately is I haven’t been consistently working out & lifting weights like I usually do, something that will be remedied in the coming weeks.

I’m reminded of an article I read a really long time ago by punk/rock artist Henry Rollins. I know it’s long, but it’s definitely worth the read.

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention.

To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me “garbage can” and telling me I’d be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn’t going to get pounded in the hallway between classes.

Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you’ll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn’t think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my adviser. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard.

Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.

Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.’s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn’t looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing.

In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn’t want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in. Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn’t know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.

Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn’t say **** to me.

It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.

It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.

I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn’t ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you’re not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.

Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body. Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn’t see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live.

Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole. I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron mind.

Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind. The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs.

Friends may come and go.

But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

Iron and The Soul – Henry Rollins – originally written for Details Magazine

In this time of turmoil where people seem to be losing their minds around you, who and what are you anchoring yourself to?

Do you need to re-evaluate your anchors and what you’re tying yourself to?

Categories
Faith

Over It – Peace over Anxiety

When I started JeffMilesSays.com, I built it on the 5 pillars of Faith, Family, Fitness, Fun, & Functions. I have stated in previous posts that my faith underlies everything I do and is the bedrock for all decisions and the way I live my life. I have been asked on several occasions how I can remain so calm and when appropriate I will share how my faith enables me to do so, but I still have moments of anxiety where I have to take a moment and steady myself (last Friday was a perfect example, there were so many things going on that I needed to deal with, at one moment on Friday morning, I just had to take a moment to steady myself with a little meditation on scripture before I could move on).

I have several friends and colleagues that struggle with anxiety some to the point where they are seeing counselors and some are on medication for it. As I listened to Ethan Vanse from our Broken Arrow church preach Part 2 of our Over It series (click here for part 1) I thought immediately of my friends who struggle with anxiety because it is the most compassionate, biblical explanation of how to deal with anxiety and the root issue of why we struggle with it. To be clear, medication and counseling have their place but watch the video below to see our service from this past weekend including Ethan’s sermon as well as one of our staff members sharing her struggle with anxiety. Normally, you can find the sermon notes on cotm.info but at some point they will switch over to the current sermon so I have saved off a pdf version here.

If you would like to skip directly to the sermon, you can do so by clicking here.

Categories
Faith Family Random Thoughts

We make better music together…

We make better music together…

Together – For King and Country featuring Kirk Franklin & Tori Kelly

As an introvert, there is something about music that has always been a retreat for me. Without a doubt though, I love collaborations more than anything. Two (or more) artists taking their unique style and blending it together into something greater than either one of them can achieve on their own has always been magical to me.

As I look around at what is happening in our world right now it breaks my heart. The dissonance and discord are deafening.

I have struggled with what to say because the last thing I want to do to my black brothers and sisters is to insult you with more ‘whitesplaining’, we don’t need any more of that. The most important thing we need right now is white people willing to listen and hope to understand because whether we want to recognize or admit it or not, we’re the ones with the privilege and with that privilege comes responsibility.

I am a large, bald, strong man with tattoos on both arms that can be very intimidating if you don’t know me. When my son was born I made a promise to myself that he would know that strength (or in this case privilege) was never to be used to your advantage. Since he was a little guy, I would ask him “why are we strong?” to which the appropriate response was always and will always be, “to protect other people.” Even with the looks that I get like the “I’m going to eat someone’s children,” looks (direct quote from someone who finally got to know me), I can’t even fathom what my black brothers deal with on a daily basis. My heart breaks for the mothers raising young black boys knowing they are raising beautiful young boys that will one day be looked at with distrust and fear.

To the people in my circle asking, “why the riots and looting? What does it accomplish?” We were warned over 50 years ago and we still didn’t listen or change.

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”

John F. Kennedy – March 13, 1962

“… But in the final analysis, a riot is the language of the unheard. And what is it that America has failed to hear? It has failed to hear the plight of the Negro poor has worsened over the last few years. It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice, equality, and humanity. And so in a real sense, our nation’s summer of riots are caused by our nation’s winters of delay. And as long as America postpones justice, we stand in the position of having these recurrences of violence and riots over and over again.”

Martin Luther King Jr. – “The Other America” – April 4, 1967

And to those who would say that Dr. King protested peacefully and others should follow suit, remember, we killed him too.

To my black brothers and sisters, I know that talk is cheap, “what am I doing about it?”, you have every right to ask.

First, my children will know that hate or discrimination in any form is unacceptable. On the night the George Floyd protests were starting I shared an open letter from the mother of a black boy to his white friends’ parents so we could have the discussion that their friends of color were not growing up in the same world they experienced and it was their responsibility to stand up for and stand with them.

Second, I work for an amazing company that strongly encourages diversity & inclusion and I will continue to support and encourage the employee resource groups that represent minority populations.

Finally, I promise to listen. Forgive me for my ignorance. Please, tell me how to help and stand with you.

I’m not black, but I see you.
I’m not black, but I hear you.
I’m not black, but I mourn with you.
I’m not black, but I will fight for you.
I’m not black, and I love you!

On May 4, 2020, the following collaboration video premiered amid the COVID-19 crisis and is more relevant now than ever. We make better music together…

Please, tell us how to stand with you.

Categories
Faith Family Fitness Fun Functions Random Thoughts What's up

I don’t have birthdays, I level up!

birthday-level-upFor those of you who know me, you know that the month of October is pretty crazy for my family…we have 4 birthdays during the month of October, including mine… I have decided that I’m not going to see it as a birthday though. I loved video games growing up and my favorite one was Final Fantasy (I still have it on my Gameboy Advanced). Final Fantasy was a role playing game where your team of four Warriors of Light, each carrying an orb representing one of the four elements, travelled the world defeating the enemies that were keeping the orbs dark and thus saving the world. Like most role playing games, as your characters fought battles and beat enemies they gained experience points. When they had accumulated enough experience points, they would “level up” which would result in them becoming stronger, more intelligent, and for those with magical abilities, more magical abilities. I made a decision this year when I had my birthday, I would no longer see it as getting older. I see that every day in the new gray hairs in my beard and hair that greet me anew each morning and the hairline making that slow, painful march towards the back of my head. What I want to focus on is this, “How did I “level up” with regards to Faith, Family, Fitness, Fun, & Functions?” After thinking about it, here is what I have come up with. This year I leveled up in the following ways:

  • Faith: While I have always tried to have an active devotional life, this year, I figured out what works for me. Thanks to the Bible App, I have found plans that work for me to get a good dose of the word (almost) every morning. I have always tried the route of reading through the Bible in a year, but most of the time it just wouldn’t sink in the way I wanted it to, the chunks were too big. This year, I started with a Joyce Meyer devotional plan and a Billy Graham devotional plan that were offered within the Bible App and I love it. I get a daily dose of Word along with the opinion and insights from people I greatly respect. In addition to this, I have been listening to the Church on the Move podcast on a regular basis. A few years ago, my in-laws bought me a 160 GB iPod and I filled that sucker up…I have sermons and podcasts going back to 2009 from Church on the Move and I figured out a nifty little trick on my iPod to be able to listen to them in chronological order so what I do is just start the first sermon and the let them go while I am working, mowing, or doing other things…it is awesome!
  • Family: Our family continues to get better and better. Caleb is reading like a champ and his teacher says he is just doing amazingly. Carrie is blossoming more and more each day. Abbie is coming full force into her personality and it is amazing getting to know this little fireball that is our third child. Mandy and I are more united than we have ever been, we don’t even fight over finances anymore :-). That is huge! The interesting thing about our finances and the stress it used to cause and how we resolved it was that it was one small change that we made to how we budgeted that got us on the same page and revolutionized how we communicated about our finances. It wasn’t a huge revelation, it was tweaking the way one piece of our finances was represented on our budgeting spreadsheet that helped us see exactly where we were with our money and with that one little clarification, we got it and we were able to see things eye to eye.
  • Fitness: If you have been reading my blog or known me for any length of time, you know I struggle with my weight and have been trying to lose weight for a long time. This year I had a revelation in how to structure my workouts so that they were actually doable. Previously, I had been trying to do P90X either in my morning or in the evenings but with 3 kids and running a business on the side I was very sporadic in my workouts and wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted. I tried working out at work by running on the elliptical but the frustrating thing was it took me 45 minutes to an hour during work to get a 30 minute run in, then I remembered that our workout facility at Phillips 66 has a pool…light bulb…if I go down and swim for 20 to 30 minutes, it only takes me a minimal amount of time to get from work to the pool and from the pool back to work…bingo…and the pool is open enough in the morning that I an get there almost every day because I can almost always find 30 minutes to get down to the pool. By getting consistent with the pool workouts it took the pressure off me trying to get an hour workout at home so I was able to cut my lifting routine down to 30 minutes a night which makes it so much easier to do.
  • Fun: The big win for Mandy and I this year was that we took the kids to Disney World. While that was the highlight, we have also tried to make sure that we do something fun on a regular basis. We just recently had a staycation where we went to Incredible Pizza, the Tulsa Children’s Museum, and had a movie night. We have fun. We also like to win and right now Caleb’s soccer team (the one I coach) is one win away from being undefeated this season. Carrie started dance lessons this past summer and absolutely loved them.
  • Functions: I hit a major career milestone this year. The interesting thing about it was that it came with very little fanfare through an IM from one of my co-workers and I didn’t even realize it was that much of a goal for me until I hit it. In my side business I also have a major announcement coming very soon which will be very cool for us and become a great avenue of blessing for us in addition to my main job at Phillips 66. I need to keep quiet on these things right now but will let you know as soon as I can.

Overall, this has been a great year, I’m looking forward to how I will level up next year and what God has in store for me and my family. Sound off in the comments below with how this year has been a great year for you!

Categories
Faith Fitness

Anderson Silva/Chris Weidman – Pride Comes Before the Fall

I don’t know if you are a fan of UFC or not, but I am becoming one. I have watched a few of the Pay Per View events with friends and I am finding that I really enjoy watching them. That aside, last night’s fight between Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman had and awesome biblical lesson associated with it. Watch the video below, then read my commentary.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. – Proverbs 16:18

Before last night, I hadn’t seen any Anderson Silva fights, but before last night he was the reigning middle weight champion since 2006…meaning he had gained and held the title for 7 years…he had a 17 fight win streak going. For all intents and purposes, he was unstoppable. He had even fought up a weight class and won there. He also apparently had pretty bad habit of taunting his opponent. You see it a little bit in the video above but prior to what the video shows, he had been taunting Weidman pretty bad. Then Weidman connected and the champ fell…

I went into the fight wanting Silva to win, but after watching how prideful he was I wanted him to lose. That’s what happens when you become prideful, people start cheering against you. You hear the stories of the humble underdog who over comes, people always cheer for the humble underdog, including God.

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. – Proverbs 3:34

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want God opposing me, I want God on my side, which means I MUST walk in humility.

Time for a little self reflection, are there any areas that you are proud? Where you need to be more humble?

Categories
Faith News

Hugging the Cactus

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Matthew 18:21-22 NIV

I love the video above, it is the perfect example of how we as people who have been forgiven much should forgive others. One thing I love about this video was that Mel Gibson’s sins were very publicized because of the nature of his job and the fact that he made The Passion of the Christ. So it is only fitting that his forgiveness/restoration be equally as public. On the other hand, I have huge respect for Robert Downey Jr. The man is known for his quick wit and Tony Stark style personality but, the video above shows a humble man who knows where he had been and what he has been forgiven who is more than willing to extend that forgiveness to others.

The question for us is, are we hugging the cactus and need to stop or are we making someone else hug the cactus and we need to release them?

  • Is there something you need to forgive yourself for? That sin that maybe only you and God know about?
  • Are you holding an offense over someone’s head and you just need to let it go?
  • Do you need to ask forgiveness from someone and start the process of reconciliation?

The beautiful thing about a relationship with God is that He is more than willing to forgive you and give you a clean slate. Have you accepted that clean slate?

Categories
Faith

Be Angry

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “ ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’ ” Matthew 21:12-13 NIV

A few weeks ago Pastor Whit (@whitneygeorge) preached a message titled Be Angry (above) that really got Mandy and I thinking about what it is that makes us angry. One thing that I have noticed in the last few years is that my fuse has gotten shorter. This is not a good thing especially because the things that I am getting frustrated about are things where I feel offended because things are not going my way or are (perceived) offenses against me or my pride. Examples are:

  • I want a quiet & peaceful house after a long day at work but my 6, 3, & 1 year old want to express themselves at the top of their lungs.
  • I finally have a day with no meetings so I should be able to get some good traction on a task that needs to get done, but then everyone and their brother decides to stop by because they are stuck and they think I can help them.

If I look at the examples above in the right light, I would realize:

  • I have been at work all day and my kids have missed me and just want to tell daddy all about their day and are just excited to see me.
  • The people who are asking me for help believe that by coming to me they are going to get their problem solved and I should be honored that they respect me enough to come to me.

The challenge issued by Pastor Whit (coming straight from scripture) is to be angry about what makes God angry and that anger should drive us to action. What are the things within your sphere of influence that anger God that you can do something about? Is it:

  • Helping the woman on your street who is raising her kids by herself because dad checked out and left them high and dry by playing catch with her boys or offering to fix things around her house?
  • Supporting (or becoming) one of the people who goes into those dark places and rescues kids caught in the trap of human trafficking?
  • Supporting the AIDS orphans in Africa who are caught in that vicious cycle because the prevailing belief is that men can get rid if AIDS by having sex with a virgin?
  • Buying a meal for the homeless guy on the street who can’t provide for himself for one reason or other?

The challenge for us is to forget about our pride and open our eyes to see what is going on around us that angers God because it is hurting his children and do something about it. Imagine what the world would look like and how people would be affected if all Christians actually got angry about what made God angry and did something about it instead of only getting angry when our pride or our expectations are not met.