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Family Follow Friday

Follow Friday – Mark Delaney

There are times when someone walks through your front door and your life is never the same after that point. As much as Mark wants to say walking through our front door all of those years ago for a church small group set him on a course that would ultimately change him, I would have to say that change has been completely mutual. Anyone who knows Mark can tell you he’s not satisfied with not impacting you in a positive way. For this FollowFriday post I want to highlight a good friend of mine. I have gotten to watch Mark and his wife Adena affect so many people in a positive way that I would be stupid not to point people towards him.

In the last couple years, I have watched Mark launch his family and life coaching business as he seeks to help others live their best life. I am ALWAYS skeptical of anyone who claims to be an expert and wants to lead others and I think that’s the biblical approach to take.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

James 3:1 ESV

However, I have seen the 3 fantastic human beings that Mark & Adena have raised and watched the marriage they have built blossom and grow after they’ve been married over 20 years and would say they’ve earned the title of expert. As I’ve participated in workshops with Mark & Adena and listened to what they’ve taught on family and parenting what has impressed me most and what I think sets them apart is how they truly get to the root of issues that folks deal with in their marriage and families to a level I have yet to see anywhere else. I can wholeheartedly recommend Mark as someone I turn to when I have questions about marriage and parenting and would encourage you to do so also.

Follow Mark: Website | Podcast | Facebook | LinkedIn

Follow Friday posts are posts where I highlight someone I follow as a way to promote and encourage others.

Categories
Faith Family Random Thoughts

We make better music together…

We make better music together…

Together – For King and Country featuring Kirk Franklin & Tori Kelly

As an introvert, there is something about music that has always been a retreat for me. Without a doubt though, I love collaborations more than anything. Two (or more) artists taking their unique style and blending it together into something greater than either one of them can achieve on their own has always been magical to me.

As I look around at what is happening in our world right now it breaks my heart. The dissonance and discord are deafening.

I have struggled with what to say because the last thing I want to do to my black brothers and sisters is to insult you with more ‘whitesplaining’, we don’t need any more of that. The most important thing we need right now is white people willing to listen and hope to understand because whether we want to recognize or admit it or not, we’re the ones with the privilege and with that privilege comes responsibility.

I am a large, bald, strong man with tattoos on both arms that can be very intimidating if you don’t know me. When my son was born I made a promise to myself that he would know that strength (or in this case privilege) was never to be used to your advantage. Since he was a little guy, I would ask him “why are we strong?” to which the appropriate response was always and will always be, “to protect other people.” Even with the looks that I get like the “I’m going to eat someone’s children,” looks (direct quote from someone who finally got to know me), I can’t even fathom what my black brothers deal with on a daily basis. My heart breaks for the mothers raising young black boys knowing they are raising beautiful young boys that will one day be looked at with distrust and fear.

To the people in my circle asking, “why the riots and looting? What does it accomplish?” We were warned over 50 years ago and we still didn’t listen or change.

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”

John F. Kennedy – March 13, 1962

“… But in the final analysis, a riot is the language of the unheard. And what is it that America has failed to hear? It has failed to hear the plight of the Negro poor has worsened over the last few years. It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice, equality, and humanity. And so in a real sense, our nation’s summer of riots are caused by our nation’s winters of delay. And as long as America postpones justice, we stand in the position of having these recurrences of violence and riots over and over again.”

Martin Luther King Jr. – “The Other America” – April 4, 1967

And to those who would say that Dr. King protested peacefully and others should follow suit, remember, we killed him too.

To my black brothers and sisters, I know that talk is cheap, “what am I doing about it?”, you have every right to ask.

First, my children will know that hate or discrimination in any form is unacceptable. On the night the George Floyd protests were starting I shared an open letter from the mother of a black boy to his white friends’ parents so we could have the discussion that their friends of color were not growing up in the same world they experienced and it was their responsibility to stand up for and stand with them.

Second, I work for an amazing company that strongly encourages diversity & inclusion and I will continue to support and encourage the employee resource groups that represent minority populations.

Finally, I promise to listen. Forgive me for my ignorance. Please, tell me how to help and stand with you.

I’m not black, but I see you.
I’m not black, but I hear you.
I’m not black, but I mourn with you.
I’m not black, but I will fight for you.
I’m not black, and I love you!

On May 4, 2020, the following collaboration video premiered amid the COVID-19 crisis and is more relevant now than ever. We make better music together…

Please, tell us how to stand with you.

Categories
Faith Family Fitness Fun Functions Random Thoughts What's up

I don’t have birthdays, I level up!

birthday-level-upFor those of you who know me, you know that the month of October is pretty crazy for my family…we have 4 birthdays during the month of October, including mine… I have decided that I’m not going to see it as a birthday though. I loved video games growing up and my favorite one was Final Fantasy (I still have it on my Gameboy Advanced). Final Fantasy was a role playing game where your team of four Warriors of Light, each carrying an orb representing one of the four elements, travelled the world defeating the enemies that were keeping the orbs dark and thus saving the world. Like most role playing games, as your characters fought battles and beat enemies they gained experience points. When they had accumulated enough experience points, they would “level up” which would result in them becoming stronger, more intelligent, and for those with magical abilities, more magical abilities. I made a decision this year when I had my birthday, I would no longer see it as getting older. I see that every day in the new gray hairs in my beard and hair that greet me anew each morning and the hairline making that slow, painful march towards the back of my head. What I want to focus on is this, “How did I “level up” with regards to Faith, Family, Fitness, Fun, & Functions?” After thinking about it, here is what I have come up with. This year I leveled up in the following ways:

  • Faith: While I have always tried to have an active devotional life, this year, I figured out what works for me. Thanks to the Bible App, I have found plans that work for me to get a good dose of the word (almost) every morning. I have always tried the route of reading through the Bible in a year, but most of the time it just wouldn’t sink in the way I wanted it to, the chunks were too big. This year, I started with a Joyce Meyer devotional plan and a Billy Graham devotional plan that were offered within the Bible App and I love it. I get a daily dose of Word along with the opinion and insights from people I greatly respect. In addition to this, I have been listening to the Church on the Move podcast on a regular basis. A few years ago, my in-laws bought me a 160 GB iPod and I filled that sucker up…I have sermons and podcasts going back to 2009 from Church on the Move and I figured out a nifty little trick on my iPod to be able to listen to them in chronological order so what I do is just start the first sermon and the let them go while I am working, mowing, or doing other things…it is awesome!
  • Family: Our family continues to get better and better. Caleb is reading like a champ and his teacher says he is just doing amazingly. Carrie is blossoming more and more each day. Abbie is coming full force into her personality and it is amazing getting to know this little fireball that is our third child. Mandy and I are more united than we have ever been, we don’t even fight over finances anymore :-). That is huge! The interesting thing about our finances and the stress it used to cause and how we resolved it was that it was one small change that we made to how we budgeted that got us on the same page and revolutionized how we communicated about our finances. It wasn’t a huge revelation, it was tweaking the way one piece of our finances was represented on our budgeting spreadsheet that helped us see exactly where we were with our money and with that one little clarification, we got it and we were able to see things eye to eye.
  • Fitness: If you have been reading my blog or known me for any length of time, you know I struggle with my weight and have been trying to lose weight for a long time. This year I had a revelation in how to structure my workouts so that they were actually doable. Previously, I had been trying to do P90X either in my morning or in the evenings but with 3 kids and running a business on the side I was very sporadic in my workouts and wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted. I tried working out at work by running on the elliptical but the frustrating thing was it took me 45 minutes to an hour during work to get a 30 minute run in, then I remembered that our workout facility at Phillips 66 has a pool…light bulb…if I go down and swim for 20 to 30 minutes, it only takes me a minimal amount of time to get from work to the pool and from the pool back to work…bingo…and the pool is open enough in the morning that I an get there almost every day because I can almost always find 30 minutes to get down to the pool. By getting consistent with the pool workouts it took the pressure off me trying to get an hour workout at home so I was able to cut my lifting routine down to 30 minutes a night which makes it so much easier to do.
  • Fun: The big win for Mandy and I this year was that we took the kids to Disney World. While that was the highlight, we have also tried to make sure that we do something fun on a regular basis. We just recently had a staycation where we went to Incredible Pizza, the Tulsa Children’s Museum, and had a movie night. We have fun. We also like to win and right now Caleb’s soccer team (the one I coach) is one win away from being undefeated this season. Carrie started dance lessons this past summer and absolutely loved them.
  • Functions: I hit a major career milestone this year. The interesting thing about it was that it came with very little fanfare through an IM from one of my co-workers and I didn’t even realize it was that much of a goal for me until I hit it. In my side business I also have a major announcement coming very soon which will be very cool for us and become a great avenue of blessing for us in addition to my main job at Phillips 66. I need to keep quiet on these things right now but will let you know as soon as I can.

Overall, this has been a great year, I’m looking forward to how I will level up next year and what God has in store for me and my family. Sound off in the comments below with how this year has been a great year for you!

Categories
Family

Extreme Makeover Caleb’s Room Edition

When we first moved into our house, we thought we hit the jackpot because in the room that became Carrie’s room the walls were yellow and there were beautiful murals of flowers and butterflies so she was set. Caleb’s room however was a chocolate brown color and we knew he didn’t like it, but we didn’t realize how bad he didn’t like it until he was showing someone around our house and told them about how he REALLY wanted a race car room. Now it was on…we decided that when his grandparents came up for Christmas that we would send Caleb and his sister to their Uncle Michael’s house where

 

Mama would watch them while we completely redid his room. So yesterday, at 8:30 we took the kids over to Michael’s house and then we got to work. We had pre-ordered all of the product we needed so we were ready to go. Uncle Michael came over and helped move furniture and paint and we got everything done except putting the room back together by 11:00 that night (we had to allow some time for paint to dry), then we got up and touched up the border and put the room back together in time for us to take a shower and pick Caleb and his sister up by 9:15 so that we could bring him back to unveil everything. Check out the video below for progress photos and the unveiling…

Categories
Family

8 Mandates of a Father – Growing Kids God’s Way

A friend of mine posted this on his facebook account tonight and it reminded me of the great teaching we got as a part of the Growing Kids God’s Way small group Mandy and I were in. I thought I would repost it here for all the other fathers out there who could use a little encouragement.

(A mandate is something non-negotiable)

(Wives: please encourage and support your husband in this! Are you supporting these mandates? Helping, honoring, respecting him?)

It’s not the time I spend, it’s the quality of my RELATIONSHIP with my children. Their TRUST in me.

1. Cultivate a sense of family identity. A) verbally encourage my children. When I’m excited about the family, the children are excited. “This is a great family!” B) Know where I’m going with my family identity. Beautiful. Tight.

2. Provide an ongoing demonstration of love for my wife. If I really love my children, I will give them the gift of confidence and security in their parents’ relationship. Give my wife so much love it embarrasses the children!

3. I need to understand and respect my child’s private world. Stop what you’re doing. Listen. Be there. Give them the confidence that they can share their treasures with you. You never know when you’ll be invited in. Three worlds: A) Public. B) Personal. C) Private.

4. Give my children the freedom to fail. Failure is the first step to success; it builds wisdom. Children WILL fail; how will you respond? Children don’t fear failing; they fear failing dad.

5. I need to be the encourager of my family. Write little love notes to my children (lunchbox; backpack). My presence. My smile. Children need to know they have MY trust; give them opportunities to earn it. Create in them an HONEST trust in your leadership.

6. As a father, I must guard my tongue and my tone and learn to measure my response against the excitement on their faces. The more excited THEY are; the more excited I am!

7. I need to touch my children. Hold. Hug. Mom’s arms are comforting; dad’s arms are SECURITY. If you don’t touch your children, someone else will. Always hold them; always.

8. If I am going to build a trusting relationship with my children, it must be built on God’s Truth and not on man’s wisdom. Bible. My children see God through ME. My children will trust GOD based on how they trust me.

Prov 23:15 “Son, give me your heart”

Prov 23:26 “(child) if YOUR heart is wise; MY heart will rejoice”

You’re going to fail them sometimes. Remember to ask their forgiveness.

My relationship with my child is the precedent for their relationship with God. How am I doing with that?

Fathers and Mothers: am I doing it this way because that’s how my parents taught me, or because that’s God wants me to do it.

My prayer is that all of us fathers would take these points to heart.  Thanks for posting this Alex.

Categories
Family Pictures What's up

Taking a breath…

So, if any of you are still out there reading the blog, you will notice that I have updated the theme.  I was waiting for something to finish copying and I have a new tool that lets me generate basic themes really quickly so I built the new theme quickly one night and have decided to debut it.

For those of you who want to keep closer track of what we are doing, Jeff is on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn and Mandy is on Facebook.

For the photo people…here are a few pictures…be prepared, there are a lot of them…enjoy!  (no, there are not two pictures missing, WordPress screwed up the alignment.)

Caleb at Chuck-E-Cheese
Caleb at Chuck-E-Cheese

So he has a shotgun...
So he has a shotgun…

the two suits...
the two suits…

three miles at a wedding
three miles at a wedding

in the trolley
in the trolley

stud muffin on the steps
stud muffin on the steps

stud muffin on the steps
stud muffin on the steps

Mother's Day Brunch
Mother’s Day Brunch

Buster & Caleb
Buster & Caleb

Buster - the early days
Buster – the early days

Buster - the early days
Buster – the early days

Caleb and Michael Playing on the Beach
Caleb and Michael Playing on the Beach

Caleb buried in the sand
Caleb buried in the sand

Mommy and Caleb in the Pool
Mommy and Caleb in the Pool

Towel Boy
Towel Boy

He's a dancin, dancin, dancin, he's a dancin machine...
He’s a dancin, dancin, dancin, he’s a dancin machine…

Euchre Night at Four Winds Nursing Home
Euchre Night at Four Winds Nursing Home

Our Squirrel Companion
Our Squirrel Companion

Uncle Michael & Caleb playing in the waves
Uncle Michael & Caleb playing in the waves

Mommy & Caleb at the beach
Mommy & Caleb at the beach

Cool whirlpool tub
Cool whirlpool tub

What I did on my vacation...(part of the time)
What I did on my vacation…(part of the time)

Caleb and Daddy in the ocean
Caleb and Daddy in the ocean

The Miles Family on the Beach
The Miles Family on the Beach

In the process of burying Caleb
In the process of burying Caleb

Mama & Papa
Mama & Papa

Yes ladies, he is single
Yes ladies, he is single

At dinner the last night on the island
At dinner the last night on the island

Uncle Michael & Caleb
Uncle Michael & Caleb

Categories
Family Pictures What's up

I need a puppy…order fulfilled

I think I have mentioned this before, but Caleb’s first sentence was “I need a puppy.” Well, while we were in St. Louis for Mother’s Day we found the puppy we had been looking for.  His name is Buster and he is a soft coated wheaten terrier.  Take a look at the boy and his dog below (click the picture to see the full size image).

Caleb and Buster at the Park
Caleb and Buster at the Park